The title of today’s blog comes from a poem that I wrote….on September 23, 1993.  But on that date I was still in major bondage in many ways.  Associated with all the wrong people,  addicted to drugs, alcohol and within a few weeks after writing this (psalm) began a four-month addiction to a harder drug.

The key is that at that time in my life I was on a personal quest for deliverance from this lifestyle and all the evils that came with it.  I say personal because I was on my own….no friends, family or even church family to lead or encourage me.  That June of ’93 I began visiting (I say ‘visit’ because no one there ever befriended me or made an attempt to help me in seven months, even when I reached out to them) a large church in Orlando,  led by a pastor I was watching daily on TV.  Every moment I was home, and partying alone, found me glued to every tel-evangelistic show I could find!  I was starving for more of God and with child-like faith I knew that I knew that only Jesus could pull me from this miry pit.  My childhood Christian background and the Bible told me so.  With my mom’s old worn Bible and a couple of my own, I poured over pages all through the Word, crying out to God.  It was a crazy time for sure!

Then in an evening service at church in late January ’94 – nothing spectacular happened – (as often did at those services).  I have said many times since that God planned it that way for me….to see that He alone would touch me in a subtle and loving way and simply remove any more desire for this life I’d been leading for more than three years.  Arriving home that night I began removing people and substances from my life and my home.  And never once did I suffer withdrawal….another one of God’s fingerprints on my life as a reminder to me that no man would or could take credit.  This was personal….between me and Jesus, my Lord!  He had answered this, my handwritten cry of September 23, 1993:

Psalm 9-23-93

As I ask my Lord to mold me,
make me as He would
I realize the job He’s doing
It’s not easy preparing me to do good

For I have a wild sort of spirit
with noble intentions way deep down inside
They surface for a short time it seems
and, oh, it feels so great to confide. . .

To the Lord that I know I’m His
I’m a child of a Loving, Precious Jesus
And I can’t help but wonder and ask
Am I making progress, Lord?

It seems one step forward, two steps back
On a road that’s been traveled before
It’s a journey through life
to be trekked with care,

Lord, please tell me more
Of Your wonderful love,
Your peace for my soul
And Your plan to set me free

From bondage and death, deception and pain
I’m crying to thee, Let me be the real me
The person I used to know
The child I used to be
Screams to come out, sometimes it gets so ugly
And confusion reigns supreme in me

What a waste of such precious time
of which there is really so little
For I believe Jesus is coming real soon
He’s coming back for me

So, Lord, for Your Honor and Glory alone
I plead, in all my earthly insanity,

To receive the power of Your Name, Your Word
And release me from chains that bind the Sword

That is there for me to defend with
A shield that represents my faith

My helmet has not been worn for so long
Lord, provide that it will fit Your willing child

Prepare me for my battles
Love me while in training
Remove from me my turmoil,
tame this spirit that’s wild

Yea, I’m asking my Lord to mold me
And make me as He would
knowing that I am the clay
In the Hands of the Great Potter

My body sometimes feels the pain
When He chisels and shapes
and smooths my rough edges
He’s doing it all for His gain

Jesus knows I want to be better
He stands before the throne for me
He wants to draw me closer to God
And the Holy Spirit will dwell in me.

Kim L. Newsome
© Copyright 1993